004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
01-19-2014, 09:25 PM
Post: #21
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
CarsonZi Wrote:That said, there was one sentence that hit me very hard from TPP and it was regarding reacting vs responding. When I read that sentence there was a non-verbal realization that happened and I believe much of the content of the book was "absorbed." Probably total bullshit but that is how it felt anyway.

I had this same experience when I read "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie. I don't think I got past the fifth page, but it was somehow "known" that the teaching had been received. I had never really given the whole thing any thought until reading your post. Interesting stuff, and certainly doesn't seem to be total bullshit. Shock
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03-13-2014, 12:15 AM
Post: #22
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
This was the first podcast of yours that I heard, I have now gone back and started at the beginning, I am still catching up :) I then bought the Ebook version of The Presence Process and have since decided that I indeed need to have the book physically in my hands, so I have bought that too. I am in my first week (starting two tomorrow) of TPP and I am starting to realize things that never would have otherwise occurred to me.

About two weeks ago I sold my 67 Mustang, which I had owned for about 14 years, I never shed a tear or regretted it for a minute, which to me was so odd, because I sort of felt like my identity had been defined by the coolness of having a fucking awesome car for many many years. Over the last seven years I have been slowly, consistently making conscious changes in my life and moving my priorities around, when I was listening to the No one eats Parsley podcast today and Carson was talking about driving down the road with his sleeves pulled up to show his tattoos and having the music cranked, I just related to that feeling on every single fucking level, and then realized for the first time why selling my car didn't effect me like I thought it would...because I am past the part of life when I have to prove something to people I don't even give a fuck about.

Don't get me wrong, I met some amazing people and had an awesome time driving too fast and making too much noise, but at this point, I get myself a little bit better than I did 14 years ago, and every day a new layer seems to peel away and I get more clarity...thanks for being a part of that process.
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03-13-2014, 12:22 AM
Post: #23
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
(03-13-2014 12:15 AM)theredneckprincess Wrote:  Over the last seven years I have been slowly, consistently making conscious changes in my life and moving my priorities around, when I was listening to the No one eats Parsley podcast today and Carson was talking about driving down the road with his sleeves pulled up to show his tattoos and having the music cranked, I just related to that feeling on every single fucking level, and then realized for the first time why selling my car didn't effect me like I thought it would...because I am past the part of life when I have to prove something to people I don't even give a fuck about.

Fuck yeah. I feel like I'm there now too and thank god for that. Now I can just be real with people and we can say "fuck that" to all the posturing and posing and insecurities. I still catch myself with the tendency to want to flash some (especially my newest) tattoo if there's a hot girl driving a car next to me, but it's seen and laughed at now instead of being oblivious to it and acting it out on instinct. Cheers to gaining some clarity.

snd
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03-13-2014, 01:19 AM
Post: #24
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
Haha..I hear that, but it's more in fun now rather than trying to get validated, because you still gotta have fun man, and flirting is totally fun :)
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03-13-2014, 09:52 AM
Post: #25
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
Hi redneckprincess,

This thread caused me to look a bit closer at this particular tendency to want to show off my "hotness" and I'm realizing that the core "need" here is to feel wanted. I want to feel wanted (especially by women). I think this stems from a long term failed relationship in my late teens early twenties. We were together for just under 8 years, engaged for 6 of those years, and for the first two years we were having sex no less than 3 times a day... it was fucking fantastic. So, I bought a ring for her and we got engaged. That day (literally) the sex completely stopped and I started having to "earn" sex. This fucked me up in a lot of ways, but most particularly in causing me to start wondering if she was ever actually into me at all or if sex was simply a means to an end for her. So I started to seek validation from other women... which lead to me cheating on her just so I could feel like I was wanted by at least someone! This tendency has followed me closely ever since, and only recently have I started to gain some clarity into it. Thanks for helping me with that!

Love,
Carson horns
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03-13-2014, 04:34 PM
Post: #26
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
Now there is an issue that I still have to deal with, I guess should just for the first time EVER, admit that I have Daddy issues. I am not even really sure WHY I do, I love my father more than nearly anyone on earth and I know he loves me back equally as much. I have always felt, for pretty much my whole life that I have never been good enough to live up to what he expects me to be, and that I have to prove myself for that love, in hindsight and in learning about myself I realize they are probably some of his issues and not mine, that have been projected onto me and I have taken on as my own? Help me out here...

The clarity of that came to me about 7 years ago when I left a relationship after many years of trying to make it something it was never going to be. It was like I had ruined my fathers life by leaving this man, as we had integrated him into our family without question as one of us. But we as a couple just weren't going to work out. I loved him and treasured the time we had had together but it was over.

I should clarify something else here too, my parents have been married for 51 years, and my father has never understood why I can't make a relationship last longer than 10 years. Hell I don't understand it, but it is what it is...I haven't always made the best choices, nuff said.

Most of my friends (even the ones who knew how hard I tried to make it work) took my ex's side, my father was once again totally disappointed in me and I was basically alone. My Mom was the only one that stood beside me 100% and understood what I was feeling and living through.

It was a huge growing for me personally. I realized that in this life, everything you believe to be true can change in a heartbeat and a long thought out decision.

I have slowly recovered from that, since then talked to my father and told him how much that whole situation broke my heart etc...I also now know about some of his issues that I didn't know about before...but fuck, how hard is it to get past those feelings and complexes that you have had since you were like fucking three about just not being quite good enough.

And...my point that I was going to make was that I have always tried to validate myself through men, I too have had issues with cheating, though it is usually the men cheating on me. Go figure. My problem is that I see the end, and then I am fucking done, there is no way back from that, so I withdraw and I am not emotionally invested in the relationship at all at that point. Once I am done I am done. But I tend to stay in the relationship way past when it is actually over.

I have tried to change the way I deal with absolutely everything in the relationship I am in now. I always go towards men with addiction issues and this time is the same. The man I am with is lovely, but he has a big ass Octopus on his head, seriously. It's all good, I know this and love him in spite of how funny it looks :) I have found in centering myself that he is looking at things differently as well, and he has made some huge changes in order to stay with me. (I have made it clear that I am not interested in living with an alcoholic, he has to make a life choice, sober up and stay or go) He has chosen to stay, and is 100% making the effort he said he would make.

I am really finding it amazing that on this journey and now with TPP things are really fucking sooo clear. I can't believe how easy it is to live a life with almost no drama or bullshit. I am nearly 50 and I just don't have time for it in my life anymore. It is exhausting. And it just feels really GOOD to be without it.
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03-13-2014, 08:21 PM
Post: #27
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
(03-13-2014 04:34 PM)theredneckprincess Wrote:  I am really finding it amazing that on this journey and now with TPP things are really fucking sooo clear. I can't believe how easy it is to live a life with almost no drama or bullshit. I am nearly 50 and I just don't have time for it in my life anymore. It is exhausting. And it just feels really GOOD to be without it.

Fuck. Yes. punk
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03-14-2014, 10:51 AM
Post: #28
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
Hi redneckprincess,

It amazes me the common patterns/issues we as humans seem to always fall into/have...

- Mommy/Daddy issues, even when it doesn't seem logical
- Negative relationship patterns
- Addictions
- Loneliness
- Unworthiness
- Self deprecation

I could probably go on for days and most would probably relate to around 75% of the list (I would imagine).

Not sure that any issues ever fully go away. Maybe we just become more aware of our tendencies, over time begin to develop enough "space" to be able to respond instead of react and eventually we learn to be compassionate with ourselves so making mistakes isn't so crushing. Subjectively that seems to be the case and I'm sure that doing things like TPP and AYP helps a lot.

Love,
Carson horns
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03-18-2014, 09:13 PM
Post: #29
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
I am pretty blown away by TPP already, I also totally relate to the comment that you made at one point about feeling like the kid inside just needed a huge hug. That changed the way I look at everything, and I am already a hugger. The next time my old man is pissy with me, I am just going to walk up and hug him...that will shut it down pretty damn quick. It is so true though, that is usually what the situation needs.

I have definitely found over the last few years that I am easier on myself with the self depreciation, I know what I want and what I deserve at this point in my life, and being easier on myself has made that come about in ways that I never imagined.

It is true that with age comes wisdom, that's for sure :)
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05-16-2014, 04:56 AM (This post was last modified: 05-17-2014 10:44 AM by GerryDiggs.)
Post: #30
RE: 004 - There's an Octopus on Your Head
(01-14-2014 08:06 AM)whippoorwill Wrote:  Wow! This podcast is super relevant to my life experience right now. I was triggered recently and it manifested as intense fear -- hyperventilation, sobbing, a sensation of screaming without sound. It frightened the heck out of my poor husband. Even after the initial attack subsided, the energy stayed way up. The solar panels center and throat center seemed most involved, but the whole body was surging with energy. I stayed with it and gave it my undivided attention until it all dissipated. But man! Not pleasant! I hadn't heard of the I-C-U thing, and I think it fits perfectly. Will definitely be using it.

Loved the game show! Party
Game show is very exciting. Fortunate I never had such experience my life..
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